Another Lament

Alas, I am woefully inadequate to be an adult. But I've seen so much I am no longer a child. Child...sometimes I wish I could go back to that "peaceful existence" when I was free from responsibility. Don't you see I want to be responsible?--but cannot be. Example: I feel like I didn't accomplish anything today. Forgive me, accomplishing is not my goal, but accomplishments do give me a sense of purpose. God, I know my Universal Purpose: love, serve, bring Redemption and Restoration. How do I know my Unique Purpose, how You are going to use my unique skills, abilities, and experiences? I can see some general, long-term purposes, but what's my purpose today?

Just let me say I'm bored with life, feeling like I haven't worked hard enough to earn a break. Kudos to God that human life isn't usually over 100 years--I think that's all I could take. Longing: I want to see God, to be caught up in His embrace, to see all things fulfilled. Meanwhile, He's placed me right here. Now, I am to live for His return, but I'm also to live today, taking advantage of my current opportunity. Opportunities are sometimes obvious, but sometimes it requires me to step out in faith. Pete is a really lazy person who hates hard work. Queer, really. Risks, too, those scary things, he hates them.

Since I'm not buying into what everyone expects me to do with my life (4-year college, typical job), I have to figure out what I'm supposed to do. The thing I know for sure about my purpose is that I am somehow going to lead the future of the Church. Un-traditional life, yes, but I am discontent with living just an ordinary life. Very, very hard to swim upstream. Which reminds me of all those things I wrote that made Non-Traditional seem so idyllic...well, it's not. X()&(*&^@ is what I want to scream!

(You know, I've been reading through Lamentations lately and trying to learn how to lament brokenness, so I copied the acrostic poem style and wrote this piece where each sentence starts with the next letter of the alphabet. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!)