Summer has always been a time of growth and learning for me, and this summer had been no exception. Yet, it has felt like less of me learning new things and more of me living what I know.
For starters, I live with a chronic illness; everyday; and it won't go away (thus the name: chronic). It's a living picture of sin, how it nags, it lives with me. It takes effort to care for it; sometimes I have to take care of myself before I can care for others. Yet I can't take care of it on my own. Some days are easier, some are harder. Some days I'm more healthy than others. Even on those bad days, I know I'm forgiven and it won't ruin my life forever. Yet the long-term choices I make and the way I live day-to-day determines my future health. Quite honestly, I could die any day. But, quite honestly, that would still be true if I were perfectly healthy. My Diabetes is getting more managable, but it's still a big part of my life.
Another thing I've experienced is community. One community I love is my team (I'm a camp counselor). I've had this week off work, and I can't wait to get back to my team. They truly are a community of Grace. The other community I love resides in our hearts as Operation Neverland. Whenever I'm around these friends, I feel completely free. I wish there were some way I could share that feeling, but words are inadequate. (For a great attempt, read this: http://clairemdb.tumblr.com/post/91075267966/dear-humanity.) I am learning to accept love and give it. Humility isn't about hiding from attention and love or feeling obligated to return it. Humility is truly loving one another. I've been getting tastes of Shalom.
Speaking of Shalom, I've finally been introduced to Redemption in person, and it's a wonderful experience. I don't know if I'll ever truly understand the significance of that encounter. It's a step on the journey.
I'm still on my journey to adulthood, and some days I actually feel a little closer. I have a meagre few months left as a 17-year-old, yet I don't necessarily feel closer to figuring out what I'm doing with the rest of my life. I've seen more and more potential possibilities, but not many more actual options. By being treated as an adult and being trusted with responsibility, I've learned who I am and what I want to do with my life, but that whole money thing still confuses me... The idea of living in a commune keeps getting more and more appealing.
I feel like I've figured out my life a little bit more as I've written this. Shout out to my two faithful readers: thanks for letting me share this with you. I need to share it somehow, and it's all psychological anyhow, right?